Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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