I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
