Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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