Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
