I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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