brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
