see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
