awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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