did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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