I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
