He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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