for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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