: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
