I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
