Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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