The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
