I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
