So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
