I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
