so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
