He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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