Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
