Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
