I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
