i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
