the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
