I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
