nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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