the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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