fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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