i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
