I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
