do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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