Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
