so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
