There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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