She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
