if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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