To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
