dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
