How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
