i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think your dad took our porno
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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