but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
