I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
