mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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