I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
