Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
