Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
