Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
