P.S. I can't hear my feet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
