He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
