whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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