I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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