the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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