I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
