This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
