I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
